Elisheba Haqq is a writing professor at Rutgers University, a registered nurse, and the author of Mamaji, a memoir about the loss of her mother, growing up as part of an immigrant family in Minnesota, and persevering through an abusive childhood. In this interview, she discusses her writing career, explains her research process, and recommends a few of her favorite books.
Off the Shelf (Ots): Mamaji is an extremely personal memoir about the loss of your mother, as well as the horrific emotional, physical and
financial abuse that you and your older siblings endured. I felt like I was reading about a Disney villain, one of the evil stepmothers in a fairytale. Did you ever consider writing a fictionalized version instead, if only to distance yourself from what happened? Was writing Mamaji ultimately a cathartic experience?
I did try to write this a number of times as fiction, but only as a very young person. Once it was written as a Jewish family with eight kids and a stepmother, and anther time it was an Italian family. These were the only non-white references I had as a kid growing up in the Midwest in the 1960s. As an adult, I did not try a fiction version; only a sanitized, cleaned-up “truth," but it was pretty awful. Eventually, I got enough courage to be truthful and I wrote the first draft in about a month. It was cathartic for me—and also for my siblings.
OtS: The writing in Mamaji is so richly detailed; it really transports the reader back to your childhood. I’m interested to know how you were able to bring history to life in such a vivid way—did you conduct interviews with your siblings, dig up old diaries, read newspaper archives? Please describe your research process.
Thank you, I appreciate that! Writing Mamaji was very much a family story when it came to remembering family details. Each of my siblings were involved with the project. They clarified some parts when I wrote about them, and of course I had my own memory. A number of times, there was a discussion about conflicted details or a cry of, “You weren’t even born yet!” happened too, as it always does with large families. This book is my memoir, so while I did talk with my siblings and family members, I wrote my perspective of any shared memories.
The more historical parts and details of the book are mostly from my memory and my own journals. I have all my old journals from when I began writing them at age seven, all the way to my first years of marriage. They were very helpful to recount events and also provide dates. My aunt, who is in her late 80s, was a valuable historian of events that occurred before my birth as were my older siblings, father and other relatives.
OtS: How did your family members react to the book? Did you receive any pushback? What advice can you offer to those who would like to write memoir, but are hesitant because of what their loved ones might think?
My father sadly did not live to see the book published, although I did read him parts of it. My siblings all read the very first draft and it was only after they read it and approved of the project that I felt I could continue in an honest way. I did change some names and places as well.
Writing a memoir was not something I had planned to do. I love fiction and that’s what I mostly write. But, I just needed to write this memoir first—it was inside my head and I had to get it out in black and white before I could work on anything else. For those that want to write a memoir, I would tell them to think about the relationships they cherish first, before their need to “tell my story.” Relationships always take precedence for me and I would offer this advice: Inform those you love about your project and discuss it, so there are no surprises. Even if it means the memoir must be told as a novel, the story will still be compelling.
OtS: In the book, you write that you dreamed of becoming a journalist, but your father forced you to attend nursing school. How did you eventually make your way back to writing? Has your nursing career made any positive (or negative!) impacts on your writing?
I was always I writer, I never stopped writing—even when I thought nothing would come of it, I wrote. And I can say even if I never have anything else published, I would still continue to write. I became much more serious about improving my writing after I completed my MFA.
My nursing career has been really rewarding for me. I love children and teenagers, so helping them heal and understand more about that process is something I love. I also love working with nurses because they know how to care and show compassion to others. I like being a part of such a group. Being a nurse offers so much flexibility and allows me make my own schedule so I can travel, write and teach writing at Rutgers, too.
OtS: Do you have plans for a new book? What are you working on now?
I’m deep in the midst of researching and writing historical fiction. I’m really excited about it. The book begins in Punjab, India, in 1929. It’s the story of two young girls, Shashi and Noor, who meet in a convent school in North India and become fast friends. They experience the tragedy of The Partition of India and Pakistan in 1947. Through the exploration of Shashi and Noor’s past, the book uncovers little-known stories of the Indian Freedom movement from 1850 to The Partition to the post-Independence days until 1958. It highlights the stories of women who were instrumental in helping India gain her freedom from the British.
OtS: After our blog readers finish Mamaji, what should they read next? What are a few of your recent favorite books?
If your readers like books about India, then I must recommend one of my favorite books of all time—which is A Fine Balance by Rohintin Mistry. It’s such a beautiful book because he is a poet and so his writing is such a joy to read. The story is compelling because he tells a story of Indians who are so different from what people think they know about India. They are poor, but they have so much strength of spirit and courage. I love all his books, but this one is my favorite.
I love Steinbeck, East of Eden is my favorite—I can’t get over how he breaks so many rules of what a writer should not do, and still tells such a beautiful story. I also love Anne Tyler. I have every one of her books and she amazes me with her funny, poignant stories that make me laugh and cry. Her most recent book, French Braid, doesn’t disappoint!
OtS: Finally, how have libraries played a role in your life as a reader and a writer?
Oh wow—I LOVE libraries. I visit my local library regularly. It’s a joy to be able to read a book and know that someone else has read the same words and been moved by them. Libraries have changed so much over the years—they are so much more than books—films, audiobooks, author visits, book clubs. My visits to the library are for book browsing and then taking some home with me, but I attend any author events I possibly can.
As a young immigrant girl, my grade school library was the safest place for me. My accent didn’t matter, the books I was reading couldn’t see that I didn’t look like everyone else and I had a chance to live in so many different worlds without ever leaving William Byrne Elementary School library. It was in this little library that I read Harriet the Spy, and it was because of Harriet that I decided to become a writer. I still love that book. I have an old copy that I page through and read, just because Harriet reminds me why I love to write. I can still see myself sitting in my school library, scribbling furiously in my notebook—aspiring to be a writer someday.
Lauren Dlugosz Rochford is always reading. She works in the marketing department at Brooklyn Public Library and she loves recommending books.
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